I have a question.
Is is weird in any way that almost all of my closest friends are guys? This may seem to some like a farcical question but it really makes me wonder and ask myself; is that normal? Am I incapable of making girlfriends? Am I just not a friendly/easy to talk to person unless whoever I'm talking to happens to be a guy? I don't know it just gets to me sometimes.
I admit, I am reluctant to talk to girls or share all my feelings/thoughts with them because there's a likely chance that they'll end up repeated to someone else, yep it's called gossip and I hate it. It's just hard to converse with girls sometimes when there's that constant nagging voice in the back of your head saying "I bet she's judging you right this very minute, I bet she thinks you're pathetic and melodramatic." or questions like "Do I trust her enough to tell her this?" I just hate having to be so cautious about every little thing that I want to say. Why can't I just freely express myself?
However with guys it's a different story, I know not every girl is a gossip-queen but with guys there's no need to watch what I say. I know for a fact that I can trust the ones I talk to and count on them to give me genuine and honest advice.
But here's the issue. What if these guys who I believe are my close friends are only considerate and attentive because I'm a girl. And what if the only reason they listen and seem to care so much is because I release estrogen instead of testosterone or that I have breasts which offers some sort of distraction from whatever words coming out of my mouth.
Either way, I just don't want to be taken for a fool thinking that there are actually people out there that give a crap about what I have to say when in reality it's not like that at all. I just want make close friends that like being around me for the way I am, me with my meaningless rambles, overly dramatic stories, and my ridiculously weird comments and actions.