Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Something's wrong. I think something's wrong with me.

Today was a very bad day, one of those day where you feel extremely down. It scares me to tell you the truth, to feel this sad over literally nothing. At lunch all my friends were laughing and chatting and just having a good time but I just felt out of place. I was sitting in my six period class and it surprised me just how depressed I was, I couldn't control it, the deep dark hole of loneliness and hopelessness was swallowing me whole. I told the teacher that I needed to use the restroom and I called my sister, and that's when the tears started flowing. She asked "what's wrong?" and i replied "I don't know" and kept crying. I think that scariest thing is feeling a certain way and not knowing why.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Five Pounds in Just Two Weeks

So lately I've been this monstrosity that literally eats anything it can get it's hand on. Since prom is officially over I've been to every restaurant in a three mile radius from my house. Just these past two weeks, I've managed to eat out at: Subway, Baja Fresh, Oho Hawaiian BBQ, Ajison's Ramen, Souplantation, Yogurtland, Coconut Bay, In & Out, Ten Ren, Taco Bell, Dolphin Bay, and Niko Niko Sushi. So in the span of 14 days, I've eaten Mexican, Thai, American, Chinese, Hawaiian, and Japanese food. The sad part of having a job is that you end up spending lots and lots of money on useless things such as food. Yes, while you're eating you may feel happy but in the end you really don't gain anything out of it besides a bloated stomach and a couple of extra pounds on the scale.

Besides my sinful indulgences, lately I've been assigned this one project from my English teacher. It's a rememory project where you have to look back on your four years of high school and write about them. The minimum is five essays and I haven't even started one and, it gets worse, it's due in practically 2 days. Plus there a visual portion as well where you have to decorate the project and make it appealing to the eye. This means I have to bust out my good old creativity skills which I don't have.

Well wish me luck. I have to go tackle my journal and dig for things to write about.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

How Unpleasant

So it just so happens that it's summer again. I swear two days ago the weather was still chilly and breezy but yesterday all hell broke loose and the sun came storming out, beaming on all of us chanting "I'm back!"

To make things more uncomfortable, I'm sweating which is all too unpleasant when you have to sit still and type. It the worst feeling in the world to have the dry molten sun blasting it's fiery blazes of light down on you while you slowly feel your skin crackle and peel. As you can tell I absolutely hate hot weather, I rather be frozen to death in frosting temperatures than endure what I did today. I can probably fry and egg on the god damn pavement right now. Okay maybe I'm overreacting just a tad but seriously I loathe southern California in the summer time.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Oh Beautidul Day

Today is a beautiful Friday, actually I don't know yet since its only 6:11 am and the day barely started but I have a feeling today is going to be beautiful.

For the past few weeks I've endured criticism, scrutiny, and rude remarks at school. But what I realized yesterday is that I don't give a shit anymore, I was happy yesterday regardless of people's negativity. I just couldn't stop smiling. Going through this whole process just goes to show how immature and lame people really can be but at the same time how supportive and buoyant your real friends can be.

In addition to this pleasant day, my sister is coming to visit me today. Although she lives 2 hours away, I haven't seen her in months. I'm really excited to just spend time with her and catch up.

I'm going to start this day off right.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Across the Universe

I was sitting in class today and I decided to listen to my friend's itouch. Before I go into his music collection, let me just say he is a big fan of musicals. So I was skimming through his albums today and I found some that I recognized such as Wicked, The Phantom of the Opera, Into the Woods, Sweeney Todd, and Hairspray. And then there where the ones that I've never heard of for example Next to Normal and The Wild Party.

Listening to his itouch made me realize just how clueless I am when it comes to songs. I was listening to Regina Spektor's The Call and Fiona Apple's Across the Universe and then I started to sway back and forth in my seat since I couldn't dance without people staring. But I plan to make that my ultimate plan to dance through the hallways at school before I graduate and rid of the place forever.

Ahhhh. What a lovely day. My mom's screaming up a storm, my brother is arguing back, and my is sitting in between them trying to figure out what he did to deserve it. And once again I'm sitting here with the music on full blast, writing to you.

Monday, May 11, 2009

What a day

Another day of school and another day of work.

I wish there was more to look forward to in life then just school and work. I've ran out of books to read which makes situations worse since there's not even an imaginary life I can live to keep myself entertained.

I woke up extremely late today to find that I didn't have enough time to take a shower so I went to school feeling dirty and grungy. Sometimes I feel like a disgrace to women all over the world but anyways I was feeling pitiful for not having gotten enough sleep the night before and just plain disgusting.

First, I slept through my 2nd period which I managed to fall into a deep sleep because I realized that after the bell rang I was drooling. Yep it was a sad sight; I normally am aware when my mouth is open but I guess today I was so damn tired that I started forming my own little puddle. Basically school went by in one big gray blur. Next thing you know I was back home again taking yet another nap.

I have work in 15 mins and I'm dreading it's gloomy approach but what can I do? Life just seems so glum and purposeless at this point. Hope the rest of you are having a better day and make sure to get enough sleep at night or you'll be walking around school like a zombie like me.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Whoop Dee Doo

Yes! Testing is officially over for me! I feel so free! I can just run and skip around naked out of shear happiness!

I took the Advanced Placement Writing Test today and I breezed through the multiple choice but when it came to the essay portion I struggled a bit. But at this point I just don't care anymore. School from now on is going to be stress free since the school year is almost over and I'm graduating. It's time to move on and leave the drama behind. I just want to have fun for the rest of the school year and not have one worry-bug.

Tomorrow I'm going to the beach at night to have a bonfire with friends and I'm going to indulge myself in not just one s'more but three s'mores! Yeah it sounds pathetic but I've been on a diet practically all my life so eating a little more than I usually do is a treat.

No stress! Yippee! Finally I have the time to sit down and actually read. I'm going start off this little vacation with Naked Lunch, doesn't that just sound scrumptious?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

OoooOOohh Lala!

Like I've mentioned before, Prom is coming up, actually it's in precisely 1 week and 3 days and I've still not found a dress. See, I'm not the type of person to care much for dances but I'm starting to panic. While everyone else is planning the pictures places, matching tuxedo, and corsage, I'm still rummaging around for a dress. So far I have no clue what I'm going to where and my date is starting to panic as well.

So yesterday, I starting skimming through different websites for dresses and I found this absolutely adorable Bebe dress and was only on sale for a little over $100. I drooled when I saw it and was super excited about finally finding a dress BUT while I was panting and gawking at the image, I realized that the dress was brand new and apparently "unavailable". Yep this is what happens when you're me; God finds any reason or opportunity to spite me. Here's an image of it just so you get what I'm talking about.


And here's the description!
It's hard not to be a temptress is a silk strapless dress. Princess pleating runs down the bodice; soft shirring gathers in semi-sheer bands. The hem builds with layers of rounded petals. Draped silk floats along your skin. Finishes high on the thigh, for even more appeal.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

What a W(B)itch

This week I must say is pretty hectic. I have testing to worry about for one but also the ridiculous rumors that have been circulating around school lately about me. So due to my blabber mouth I said something I wasn't suppose to say but I apologized for it. But does she really feel the need to talk so much shit? Seriously I can't even walk to class without having someone giving me a nasty look or a snicker. I was walking to class today and I said "hi" to this one girl who I've been saying hi to since the beginning of this year and her response to my pleasant greeting was a cold unnecessary glare. And this is precisely why I don't like making too many girlfriends. I swear, some girls are the most sensitive, vicious, back-stabbing, shit-talking, superficial people in the world. So instead of solving this issue in a mature way, I have to go through school day after day knowing that a bunch of nosey people are involved and judging me.

But other than that school has been great. For example, lunch as not failed me yet.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Am about to rush off to work. I must say that life is so god damn complicated but you know what I don't care anymore. Instead of thinking for myself, I've been getting myself rapped up in what others think of me that I'm starting to loose my own opinions and thoughts. ):

Friday, May 1, 2009

A Cup of Coffee Told Me #2

On my way back to L.A. after my little get away to San Francisco, I was sipping yet another cup of coffee and the Starbucks cup said...

The Way I See It #141
"I used to feel so alone in the city. All these gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you or you many marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word."

- Augusten Burroughs


It's a Friday night and I'm at home, alone. Whooopiee! -_-

So lately there's been alot of complications with prom. As of now I'm going with someone I don't even want to go with but of course my mouth always gets me in trouble. He asked in a very nice way and I couldn't bring myself to say "no" and now I'm stuck. The person who I truly wanted to go with is now going with another person and it's all because I couldn't say no. Booohoo...

Prom sucks! Instead of going to prom I think I'm going to get drunk and throw my own pathetic party. I'm just so disappointed how the way things turned out. I can't believe I'm going to prom, probably the most memorable and expensive night of my life, with someone who talks ALOT and who I recently discovered is super cheap. There you have it. I am going to use up the rest of my Friday night to sulk. Tootles!

By the way, does anyone have any books they would like to recommend? I need some sort of distraction.
I'm never opening my big mouth every again. It always gets me in trouble.