Friday, January 30, 2009

There are those days...

There are those days where you feel like being alone, all alone so that no one can possible make you feel any worse besides having yourself to blame. BUT there are other days where you feel like nothing can stop you and you just feel like writing a book, just letting the words spill over pages of notebook paper. Well today is one of those days. Nothing really great happened but I feel seamlessly happy, so giddy that monkeys are having a jungle gym party in my stomach right now. Although that was a weird and random analogy, I don't really care. I am happy, content, optimistic, flying, soaring, forever hopeful for whatever lies in the future. Okay so maybe I am looking forward to something but I just feel so grateful. I feel that my parents finally trust me and I realized how incomplete I am going to be once I have to move away. My little brother on the other hand comes to me whenever he needs to complain or just have a laugh. And I am just glad to be there. I am grateful that I can help him through these years before I go off and beginning a new life in college. There is just so much to look forward to in life and I can't wait to have the opportunity to experience it all. I love life right now and I have a gut feeling that this feeling might change in a couple of days but I want to have this entry to remind me how great this feeling is. It is rare for me to truly appreciate my life at times. But at this precise moment I can't help smiling to myself and just being anxious for whatever happens tomorrow. Okay I am ending this before it gets too corny.

Monday, January 26, 2009

My feet are cold

So I am sitting here alone in this cold empty house and I can't help feeling utterly frozen. My feet are numb and my fingers are having a hard time maneuvering over this key board since they are like my feet, frozen. As you can tell the weather has been pissing me off.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Panic Panic Panic!

There is just so much to do and just so little time. I have two winter formals to go to this year which is great since it is senior year and all. BUT I can't organize things well! Everything at this moment is a wreck! I bought this gorgeous dress that is a size three but the funny thing is that the dress seems to be getting a tinny bit too tight. Yup I have come to the conclusion that my dress is shrinking! It is Gods way of spiting me for being too happy lately. Okay so maybe for the past few days I have had an extra meal or two BUT I still have time to slim down. Well actually I have exactly 3 days to slim down. Geez!
Since normally I'm the type of person to wear baggy shorts and loose fitting shirts, it is going to be extremely hard for me to walk in heels. Normally when I have heels on I get this nauseating sensation that I am going to topple over and fall on my face. Great this is going to be just great.
Okay besides that I have to find picture places and arrange everything else. God I am getting a migraine just thinking about all this. I just have to keep telling myself that in the end it will be all worth it. It will all be worth it. Yup I think its time for another snack, food as you know is the perfect cure for stress.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

This Last Week

This is the last week. After this week I am officially free. Free to do whatever I want without a care in the world. I can't wait! There is just so much I have been meaning to do this year and never seemed to have the opportunity. All I have to do now is survive this week and my life finally begins or as some people call it: the start of a new chapter. There is literally nothing my parents can say or do to restrict me, I am at the point where I decide when my curfew is and how I want to manage my time. Time is at my service and I can decide what I want to do with it! I can sit at coffee shops for hours and read and write as I please without having to expose myself to the constant nagging which greets me at home. I can't wait for senior year to finally begin for me and the best part about it is I am in control. The only pressure and stress I want to be able to feel this year is from myself, not from others expectations.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Jane Austen

To Miss ---

My first displays the wealth and pomp of kings,
Lords of the earth! their luxury and ease.
Another view of man, my second brings,
Behold him there, monarch of the seas!

But, ah! united, what a reverse we have!
Man's boasted power and freedom, all are flown;
Lords of the earth and sea, he bends a slave,
And woman, lovely woman, reigns alone.

Thy ready wit the word till soon supply,
May its approval beam in that soft eye!

A charade written about courtship, from the novel Emma. It captures the beauty of infatuation and the pride men are willing to give up altogether for an opportunity to be with the one they love. I like how the first stanza gives all these images of dominating men in power but by the second stanza all that power is so easily thrown away for the sole purpose of being in love. I believe vulnerability is a person's greatest fear when it comes to a relationship but when one is able to lay their heart out for another person, that is the true beauty of love.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Something Unexpected

Something unexpected happened today. I was doing my test in class and something unexpected happen. The sudden warm feeling rushed all through my body, it is just lovely when someone cares for you and decides to show it in the cutest way possible. For this one moment in my life I feel utterly happy and complete. Like someone has filled in the missing puzzle piece to my heart. I never expected to feel this so soon, but that is whats great about experiencing something spectacularly unexpected. I thank him for giving me something to think about, I thank him for making this day worth while, I thank him for keeping my heart and mind at ease. Now I shall smile in my sleep and wake up knowing that I possess a precious moment that I can replay in my head over and over again. So once again I would like to say thank you.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Migraines

So I had a extremely painful migraine that happened during class today. It was the most painful thing I ever experienced, well at least in my lifetime. It was so excruciating to the point where I felt like running my head right into the many brick walls that surrounded my campus, just so I can ease the pain. I can just imagine my soft steamy brain splattered and spread out across the pavement and walls. Just thinking about it gives me satisfaction, knowing that at that precise moment I can for once in my life not feel anything, no sudden surges of pain, no images and feelings of a thousand needles piecing into my skull, no frustrating hours of moaning and groaning. Oh thank god it's over now!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A Sonnet

A Sonnet
By: a friend

For once in my life things were going right,
When you came along and swept me away.
Too perfect were you, that was plain in sight,
You were the eagle, my heart was your prey.

You snatched me, took me high above the ground,
You showed my heart that with you I can fly.
Above the thunder, where it makes no sound,
Before this flight, I'd never flown so high.

But then from high clouds I fell, after you,
Devoured my Love, then dropped my remains.
Just like I thought: You're too good to be true,
Unfaithful to my hope, your heart too vain.

The bird of the sky, the fish of the sea,
The two of them were never meant to be.

First Entry

Well life as people know it is always complicated, whether they are in one situation or another. But what I have learned is that it doesn't always have to be that way. Life is whatever you want it to be, it all depends on how you see things. But here is my question: Why is it so hard sometimes to just be optimistic. And why for others does it seem so easy to stay satisfied all the time? I personally am always complaining about something and although it sucks, but i really can't help it. I feel that there is always something better then what I am experiencing our of life now.