Into the Wild

Ever feel really awkward in your own skin? Well I've been feeling like that a lot lately and it isn't because I'm gaining weight (thank god!) but it's just because I have an unusually low self esteem, which I guess is normal for some people. For example today I was working with this really cute guy who like a god, is super suave and charming in everything he does. And I, like the ugly duckling, was overly conscious about everything I did. Is my hair to poofy? Is there something on my face? It's really exhausting actually.

On a more positive note, I recently watched this movie or documentary you can say, called Into the Wild, which is about this guy named Chris who seeks to create a new life for himself in the wild. What initially was a brilliant plan turned out to be a huge mistake when Chris realizes the only true happiness comes from being around others, specifically loved ones. After two years in the wild without any source of human contact, Chris dies alone in the wild from eating poisonous root. Unable to express his remorse, Chris dies on his bed; his face wet from tears. The ending is especially traumatizing and heart-wrenching. I would recommend this movie to everyone of all ages although there is some nudity but it's only for expressive and artistic purposes.

Help Please

I think something is wrong with my blogger account. I can no longer search up any other users, for example when you click on one of your interests, the website will automatically find other users with the same interest as you, well that doesn't work anymore. Whenever I click on a link under my interests section, it doesn't show any other users. Does anyone know what's going on with my account?

On Love

"We fall in love hoping that we will not find in the other what we know is in ourselves - all the cowardice, weakness, laziness, dishonesty, compromise, and brute stupidity. We throw a cordon of love around the chosen one and decide that everything that lies within it will somehow be free of out faults and hence lovable. We locate inside another a perfection that eludes us within ourselves and through union with the beloved hope somehow to maintain [against evidence of all self-knowledge] a precarious faith in the species." - Alain de Button

It's hot and I'm too pissed too exhausted too sweaty to write anything else.

F the weather F the heat and F my life

I'm back again to complain about the weather. I absolutely hate it. Today was exactly 95 degrees so you can just imagine me sitting in a one bedroom apartment for 5 hours with nothing to do but read and sleep. Okay I'm lying. But doesn't it sound more dramatic that way? The truth is that I live in a five bedroom house with air conditioning but still the weather was brutally hot regardless of the circumstances I was in.

I took a 4 hour nap today which made me feel completely exhausted afterward for some particular reason. I woke up feeling one hundred years old and unreasonably indignant. I rummaged through the fridge after my nap and ate 4 chocolate truffles which I immediately regretted eating afterward. So chocolate stained, hot, and pissed off, I threw a bitch fit and who took the blame? My little starry-eyed brother who just so happened to be the closest thing around me at the moment. There you go, me and dry hot weather just don't mix.

My head hurts now, great.

From the East toe the West and back again

Nothing much has happened since my last post but I'll update you anyways.

I've been reading On the Road and I'm almost done and I hate to say this but it's not really that great. I had the hardest time trying to concentrate on some of the chapters without, sad to say, slowly dozing off. I guess I just don't understand what's the main point of the story and I hate not being able to grasp the whole purpose of a book. The novel is suppose to be one of Jack Kerouac's more notable works but the whole book itself is about two mad men named Sal and Dean traveling across American from the East to the West and then back again. They travel without any thought or reason; just merely based on their impulse to go somewhere and start over new. So basically they travel mile after mile with one destination in mind: to get to New York without any knowledge as to how they're going to get there, just that they are.

On the surface Sal and Dean just look like a bunch of idiotic low-lives with no purpose in life but as you squint to see what lies beneath the surface, you realize that they are what signifies the "beat" generation. Which with the help of Wikipedia is the "rejection of mainstream American values, experimentation with drugs and alternate forms of sexuality, and an interest in Eastern spirituality." And although that may make the book seem like a pretty significant contributor to the development of American cultural history, I still stick to my initial thought that the book doesn't live up to all the hype.

On another note, I've gained 10 pounds and am about to jump off a cliff. Must exercise but as you all know that's physically impossible when you live in America, especially L.A., where there's a restaurant and fast food place outside of every gym. So I rest my case.

4th of July

It's a hundred and something degrees and I'm about to go crazy. It's a lazy Sunday and I can't even sit here without sweating. It's disgusting.

So let me tell you about 4th of July. It turned out to be a bit disappointing but overall it was better than staying at home watching my mom cry her eyes out watching overly dramatic soap operas about unrealistic characters being put in unrealistic situations.

Here's what I realized during 4th of July; all my once charming and innocent little chums have turned into psycho drug addicted maniacs whose sudden motto in life is to "Life fast, die young." For the guys it's been one drug or another and for the girls it's just been SEX. It's really disturbing to find out that your once high school lunch buddy is sleeping around with multiple guys just for fun and who you happened to see yesterday making out with someone who was obviously high. So I took a couple of jello shots and grabbed some of whatever was left of the food and exited with a couple of friends who were also terrified at the what was happening inside that one storied house jam-packed with drunk hormonal teenagers.

I ended up watching fireworks from a little cafe near home which turned out to be perfect since I'm a late night coffee addict who just so happens to have midnight cravings. So after my fourth cup of coffee I decided that it was time end my little escapade and go home.

Which reminds me I have a free coupon to IHOP yipppee! which means infinite refills! My ultimate scheme is to drain all the coffee out of that place.